MILK

The water is ice cold on my face.  The street outside is silent.  A rhythmic snore from the terraced house next door is hardly dampened by the paper thin walls between us.  I am awake.  I rub my arms with my hands to work my circulation in to action.  I pull my vest over my head and put my shirt on as I head down the stairs.  Boots on I open the front door quietly and shut it softly behind me.
A dense fog clings to me on my way to the dairy but does nothing to stop the smile inside me.  At the stables Nelly waits.  She is always pleased to see me.  I stroke her main and put my face against her muzzle.  She gives a contented little snort.  I harness her up, rub her up and down her flanks for the feeling it gives me in my fingers and to let her know it is me that is there.  The bottles of milk clink as the crates are loaded on to the cart and we are ready to go.
I love this time of the morning.  There is a moment when it is hard to get out of the snuggle warmth of my bed but once the water splashes on my face I am ready to go.  Nelly is my companion and we head off to deliver milk to Nottingham before anyone is awake.  I can't think of anything I would rather do than this job.  I left school at 14 to get work and Dad would not let me go down the mines or do factory work.  I couldn't believe my luck when this job came up.
We head off to Mapperley where the posh folk live in their big houses up the hill.  In the early days Nelly tested me out and refused some of the hills until I discovered a carrot slightly in front of her nose got her moving.  My mates want me to do mischief to these people who have all the things we do not.  But I like my customers and find most of them to be lovely human beings.  I give them a smile and a hearty good morning if they are up and about.  Very few are.  They always give me a happy nod back and always tip me well to help Christmas go well.
More often I meet the nannies and  the staff who are preparing everything before the house wakes up.  There are a variety of foreigners working in these houses who come from far off places I know nothing about.  She doesn't speak much English yet but there is a real beauty of a nanny who comes from Austria.
At the weekend we argue round Sunday lunch.  Dad takes a position against the government or the owners of the mines or the weakness of the unions.  Norman, Cyril and me take an opposite position to Dad or each other and we can have a thoroughly good argument.  Nobody wins except it is accepted Dad is right and after a rousing shout we settle down to let the roast settle.  Dad sleeps in his favourite chair and I go in search of my mates in the street.  We are friends and good energy has been spent in the battle.
Dad's life is tough.   The mines have blackened his skin and attached a deep rasping cough to his lungs.  Mum makes little go far for food, clothes and warmth.  Most of all mum and dad make us feel safe, secure and loved.  Against the weight of injustice Dad sees in the system we are part of, we are happy together, and determined to make the best we can out of the deal we have been given in life.  The fight for life feels hard but somehow optimism stays with me.

Vera is her name.  You vant me pay you bill she says.  A lovely smile that sparks something inside me.  She tells me her sister wants to know how to get to the swimming pool saying her sister Elsa wants to go.  I offer to take them at the weekend.  A flame rises within me.  I slap Nelly on the rump, walk taller and can't wait for the weekend to come.
There was a fight at the pit yesterday.  Dad was in a foul mood, frustrated by what happened to his friend and the inability to do anything to help.  We will all whip round to help him out until he gets another job but we know he won't. 

STOP THE WORLD, IT'S SPINNING TOO FAST

What a silly phrase that is.  Stop the world, it's spinning too fast.  The reality is that time is always stuck in this particular moment.  We just can't see it that way.  All there ever is is now but we look backwards and forwards as if such places existed.  They don't.  The world is not going anywhere and is certainly not spinning.  The challenge I have is to see the world this way and not chase the orders from the future or bow to the condemnations from the past.  But you say there is always a boss, wife, mother or other figure of authority insisting you do as you are told.  I disagree.  It is down to me to see the world the way it is.  Frozen in this moment and rich in experience to savour I must stay in the now and live life to the full.
Easier said than done as my mind races towards its next 'shouldistic' task.  I'll notice a sound or pick up a scent and slip down into it.  My time spinning thoughts can slide down my back and disappear into the motionless earth.  I want to be like a tree swinging in a breeze, with sap rising and leaves falling, all in tune with natures tempo.  Thought's General marshalls his troops saying he will not be cast aside without a fight.  His allies in my body give him support for all the promises he has made to them before.  'Leave the comfort of my army and you know you'll be in trouble.'  But it seems to me he overplays the threats and fills me full of worry.  Even if I am no longer then it is the same as before.  Time stands still.  I am in the world and the world is in me.

SEEING WHAT IS THERE

Why is one businessman more successful than another?  What makes one artist move your soul and another leave you cold?  How can you feel wonderful in the presence of one person and lifeless with another?  There are a number of factors but the distinguishing ability of those who make a difference is that they 'see what is there'.  The successful businessman sees the world in a different way to the confluent pack.  The artist touching your soul shows you something magical you never saw before.  Once you see it you can no longer not see it.  The person who makes you feel good connects you with the world in a special way.  She shows you something you like.
Seeing what is there is the most important skill you need to develop to be successful and get the best out of life for you.  At first this sounds easy to do and in reality it is.  But there is a catch.  The problem is that it is much easier to ignore most of what is there and that is what your brain is designed to do.  Your brain is only interested in quickly seeking out the biggest threat to you and making you act to avert it.  In the jungle and now this is often helpful and may save your life but it also misses so much possibility for you.  In the modern world there is excitement and life enriching possibilities for you if you can learn to intervene with your automatic processes.  You can do this, remain safe and it will make you a more successful businessman, artist and companion.
To see what is there requires an understanding of the way you see the world now.  My friend and art teacher Julia Evans has a helpful phrase when we are painting.  She says 'paint what is there and not what you think'.  This idea strikes at the heart of the way you see the world.  Before you even look at the world your brain is anticipating what it expects to see.  It will already have worked out what you need and has primed all of your senses to look out for it.  It is so biased that it is only seeking confirmation of what you think rather than seeking new information.  For example when you are hungry your senses will seek food with increasing urgency as your need strengthens.  At the same time it will ignore items of warm clothing.  When you are cold you will be motivated to find warmth and ignore nourishing food.  When you are seeking to solve a problem at work your brain is working out the answer from what you have done in the past.  As you move around your attention is focussed on an infinitesimally small proportion of what is available to you and you ignore the rest.  Lost in the background you ignore is the opportunity that could dramatically change your life. That is where the successful businessman, artist and friend finds what you do not see.  As Julia says 'see a face, think face and try to draw a face and you are likely to be disappointed with the outcome.  You see 'face' which has some meaning for you and you ignore all the information in the picture from which 'face' emerges for you.  Focus on the information in what you are looking at and keep looking for more and more and capture what is there then your results will emerge and you will be amazed at the outcome.'  In her simplest class a process of capturing lights and darks on a sheet of paper and watching a face appear has delighted so many of her students who have then gone on to produce great work.  The greatest artists bring to your attention what is there and create new insights through what they present.
Once your brain has found what it wants it moves on to the next need.  The opportunities present for you in the ignored material are gone and are of no further interest in the automatic processes of your thinking.  You will solve a business problem in the way you did before.  As long as this is good for you you will succeed along with the pack.  When you do this and the competition has seen something new then that is when you are left behind.  So here is a hint on how to intervene and see what those who make a difference can see.  You have to force yourself to suspend belief in the answer you have arrived at and ask yourself what have you not looked at?  This is the hard part.  How can you challenge your own thought processes that have produced an answer.  Every challenge you put up will be met with sophisticated logic supporting the view you came to.  You have to work hard by making space for those you disagree with and working through the possibility their perspective is correct.  Questions such as how could the opposite of your position be true?  What have you ignored in the environment around you?  What biases, assumptions and prejudices of your own model of how the world works have you relied on for your solution to be true?  You will fight yourself to go through this process as it contradicts all your instincts but it is the only way to see what you currently ignore.
Seeing what is there is a route to an exciting future for you.  It is easy to do, hard to execute and worth the effort.  Look around and you will see many people seeing what they want to see and missing the prize in what they ignore.  You will also see that those who make a difference see something else.  





Julia Evans is a working artist and teacher in Benidoleig on the Costa Blanca, Spain.  She is an amazing teacher of 'seeing what is there'.  http://www.arthouseonline.net/juliaevans.htm

SUNRISE

The dark hues of night soften as colour gently seeps in to the scene.  The sun takes a peep as he prepares his playful palette for today.  Starting with a golden yellow, becoming a red or a brown or a cloud in grey highlight.  The range is immense.  Slowly the shift from dark to light.  Birds form a chorus and leaves feel the sap rejoice in their veins.  Curtains are drawn back, blinds are raised, eyes are rubbed and arms are stretched.  A house martin dives for her morning drink.  Then fast in flight for the food the sun shows her.  The sea takes on todays sheen and ripples reflect the sky and the light.  A breeze joins in to shift shadow, shade and dark and light.  Sliding over the horizon comes his golden orb.  The dark recedes to hidden corners where the warmth never goes.  Long shadows form creating contrast and shape.  The day is now full lit and the world begins to work.  Colour and shade clash and change as beauty appears and flows in form.  The sun did rise, life did glow and the day began.

TIME

Never still
Always gone
Yet to come
For ever now

...

Never enough
Tasks not done
More to do
Yes Yes Yes

...

Never No
Empty day
Fills to brim
Overflows

...

Ever moving
Always there
Came and went
For never now

...

Ever enough
All tasks done
No more to do
No No No

...

Ever No
Full day
Fits so snug
And flows and flows

...
...

Dedicated to my busy Cypriot mate and all people with empty diaries and no time to do what they have agreed to do.

BALANCE

I was thinking about how important balance is in our lives.  When we have it we are at ease and life flows freely.  When we lack it we frantically change things in an attempt to reestablish it.  Balance can be thought of as a set of scales.  On one scale we load all the pressures and challenges thrown our way each day.  On the other scale we load mechanisms to balance us against the weight of life.  Hunger on one side, food on the other.  Cold on one side, warmth on the other.  Stress on one side, calm on the other. Thinking about it this way it is easy to see how difficult it can be to balance these scales.  We will over eat to satisfy hunger. We are always putting things on or taking things off in search of the right temperature.  We often load more stress on the life scale than we can possibly balance with the counterweight of calm.  So if we can reduce the load on the  life scale perhaps there is a better chance of having what we want.  We know if we eat well, exercise and get the sleep we need we have a better chance of being in balance.  We also know it is much easier to feast, flounder and fiesta.  Stress is the biggest challenge of all.  Not enough money, never see the family, everyone else seems to be doing better than me, I should be doing more with my life, too much work not enough play, I am such a disappointment, no friends, no life, no time.  The usual responses of working harder, seeing less of the family, reinforcing judgements of self versus others and more creates a vicious circle.  There is something about the way we are designed that encourages us to overdo things in our efforts to find an equilibrium.  A thought I am playing with is that by reducing the weight on the life scale there is less counterweight needed and our chances of success thereby increase.  The most fundamental measure of your success is how well you are breathing.  Breathe well and you are a successful human being.  That's it.  Everything else is illusion.  Big houses, boats, cars, lavish entertainment and girlfriends will not bring you calm and peace in your life.  You will have periods of fun and elation but it is not the route to inner contentment and balance.  Maybe if you strip away everything and begin with the need for oxygen on the life scale and breathing as the counterweight some insight will arise.  I sit here under my Mimosa Tree and breathe and feel calm.  Try it.  You can then add back layer by layer of stress of your life today and ask 'do I really need it?'  If you do then load it up but give thought to how you can balance it.  If you conclude you don't need it but have to have it then explore this.  Do you?  Must you?  By the way I am talking to myself in this stream of thought.  Like anyone else I have overloaded my life with too much on the life scale in the last year and have not had enough counterweight to achieve balance.  So to many things my answer to 'do you?' and 'must you?' is 'no' and 'no'.  My challenge now is to remember my answers.

WHO ARE YOU?

You are unique, full of mystery and a work of art continually in progress.  You are a story waiting to be told and read with interest by you.  Ever changing with a patchy past, an infinite range of possible futures and only the current moment as fact.  Whatever you choose you know you are missing something essential about who you are.  Like an artist building an image layer on layer.  A little more detail here, blend the colour there, cover up a bit that does not fit until the overall impression is good enough. Good enough.  Yes.  But incomplete, always incomplete.
The challenge is clear.  You are always changing.  What you were yesterday is different today.  What you believe you will be never takes final form.  What you are now in the moment is guided by where your attention rests.  And yet your mind continues to seek a definitive answer to the question.
Sometimes you think you are great.  Sometimes you are like everyone else.  When times are tough then you are just not good enough.
Who you are has all the ingredients of the most interesting novel you will ever read.  A great novel distills the wisdom of the writer and leads the reader in a sensual dance in a timeless land of wonder.  Although much is missing it captures the essential and leaves clues for the enquiring mind to complete its own picture.  The words slide off the page in to hungry eyes impatient for the next hint.  At the end you breathe out and relax in your chair.  In that moment life is perfection.
The novel you are is unique.  You are the writer and the reader.  Everything is the way you say it is and your interpretation is the only truth there is.  Only you can let someone else create it.  Only you can decide to write it for someone else.  But the pressures are great.  So many lives are lived following the rails put in place by parents, partners or teachers.  So many lives are lived to tell a story for someone else to read.  No matter how strong these forces are the pen is always yours to take hold of and write the novel you want to be.
The great writer has a keen eye.  He picks out the essential detail from which the reader constructs her image.  The reader fills in the missing information from his own experience.  The reader and writer conspiring in the joint creation of the reality they experience.  Neither seeing fully the image of the other but both sharing a mood, feeling or an idea as the senses coalesce.  A trail of words across a page can leave you angry, happy or sad.  So easily are you swayed by the skilled musicians who play your mind.
Imagine you as the reader of what you write.  You as the sculptor of your senses creating the landscape of your feelings.  Perhaps someone once told you you could do better, work harder of will fail to fulfil your potential.  Keep writing this and notice the pain it brings and the yearning for rescue.  Perhaps sometimes you are free and write who you are and notice how you soar above the earth in a moment of magic.  The great novel of who you are flows from taking hold of your pen and writing the story you want to read.  Writing the story that excites your soul and transcends existence.
If you love Proust, Tolstoy and Woolf then read them.  If Haydn, Mozart and Chopin move you then listen to them.  The page before you is blank.  If you love your life then pick up your pen and write it now.  Write it and read it to discover and enjoy your story.
That is who you are.